debbie downer

I woke up this morning and had all these complaining thoughts running through my head.  Then I started to pray and I felt like Jesus was standing on the other side of this chalk-line drawn on the ground.  On my side of the line it was boring and depressing.  On His side He was celebrating. There were people all having a party around Him.  He had a glass of wine in His hand.  He said, "Hey, which one do you want.  You can stay there but it's way more fun over here."  I started to step over and He stopped me and said "Oh, by the way, you have to leave complaints over there." So I agreed to it and I ended up having some really fun and intimate time with God after that.

It's been on my mind all day.  How much do I complain?!  But it seems like complaining is just a part of our culture.  If your DON'T complain, people get annoyed with you.  Everyone wants you to be just as negative as they are.  It seems that the times I try to respond to negativity with positive truths, the other person gets super offended or people tell me I'm unrealistic. 

I heard Graham Cooke say once that if praise and thanksgiving are the worship of heaven, then what do you think complaining would be worshipping?  Think about THAT for a while.  Scary, huh?  I'm just empowering the enemy by agreeing with negativity.

I then began to wonder if Jesus ever compained.  So I read through the gospel of Mark at work this morning.  And guess what?  He DIDN'T.  And come on, Jesus had PLENTY of reasons to complain...Disciples that were airheaded at times and stubborn, people always wanting to kill Him, the pharisees always trying to bring Him down, wearing sandles in the desert...all of those things seem pretty worthy of complaint.

So then I looked up the definition of complaining. 

complain [kəmˈpleɪn]

vb (intr)

1. to express resentment, displeasure, etc., esp habitually; grumble

2. (foll by of) to state the presence of pain, illness, etc., esp in the hope of sympathy

 

The part that stood out to me is the motive in the second part..."in the hope of sympathy".  What is our motive behind complaining?  Is it because we want others to feel sorry for us, because we want that attention of having someone say "oh, poor baby, she has a headache..."  I mean, how lame is that?!?! 

 

I just think it's time to take a look at our motives behind why we say things, and think about the atmosphere we are creating.  I personally want the atmosphere of the Holy Spirit to continually follow me around, and I'm not creating that with complaining.

 

And even if you try to stop complaining and people say you are unrealistic about things, so what?  I mean, if you wanna talk about unrealistic, let's look at the crazy wonderful things we all believe in.  It is unrealistic that I can lay hands on someone and they get healed, but it happens. 

 

So, I would like to invite everyone into a new revolution, the revolution of happy.  There is a party waiting for us on the other side of that chalk line, and Jesus is there.  So we can just drop that heavy baggage of complaining and join the party.

 

SOS

This is not a cry for help.  SOS is a new term that I am praying out for my life.  It stands for "spirit of sustainability."

On new years, Landon and I got words for each other that were for the entire next year.  His word for me was sustainability.  I took that as a type of challenge, like this word was the new expectation for my life.  I thought this meant I was expected to be reliable in all things and not make any mistakes, not look back, always be spiritual on-cue.

Last night I stayed up late talking to Noah and confessed how this word has become such a burden in my life.  Noah explained that I have been looking at the wrong definition this whole time.  I looked up sustainability today and this is what it says:

SUSTAINABILITY: to “maintain", "support", or "endure”.

Well that is totally different than what I thought!  Those are all things that I can do!  It reminded me of such a cool word that I got this year from Derek. He found the word fortitude and the definition and printed it out for me and I keep it on my bathroom mirror to keep it in mind.

FORTITUDE:

Strength of mind that allows one to endure pain or adversity with courage.

The ability to endure hardship without complaining, despondancy, or murmuring.

 

I think both of those words go together so well.  It really encourages me to remember that I have the ability to choose how to respond to a situation; I can be offended, hurt, or hopeless.  Or I can choose to believe the truth of what God has said.  And if God says these words are who I am this year, then I recieve that SOS!  I also would like to share.  Anyone else want some?  You got it!  I bless you with it!

LOL

Ah, yes, the infamous "lol" that we all type without meaning it.  I probably actually laugh out loud 20% of the time that I type it.  That's right; I am a fake lol-er.  I confess the truth.  But I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one.

But I have a positive use for laughing out loud that I have incorporated into my life again.  It is an old jedi trick that my sensei taught me.  (Aimee Roof, props to you on this one...)

The other day I was meeting with Stacie, my accountability partner, and we ended up taking a look at a lie that I have been believing my whole life.  It was one simple lie that I believed at a very young age.  But that one simple lie has twisted and darkened so much in my adult life.  Once I asked Jesus what the lie was and what His truth was, it was one of those lightbulb moments of my life.  I was so happy and relieved to see the truth that can now untwist and light up those parts of my life.

So, here is the big secret of success that I am going to share with you.  When you hear a lie in your mind, LOL at it.  I'm not kidding.  Try it.  Aimee taught me this a while back.  We would say lies out loud that we had been believing, then laugh ridiculously loud at the lies.  It works.  Once you say something untrue out loud and laugh at it, you realize how silly it really is.

I'm telling you, laughter is like biological warfare against the enemy.  He hates it.  I try to live my life with a lot of laughter, which is easy considering the goofballs I live with and do church with.  But I think it's important to really take the initiative to laugh at those things that Satan tries to throw into your path to mess you up.  Here are some examples, just to make sure you really get this:

thought: "No one thinks I'm pretty."  response: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
thought: "I won't be able to pay rent this month." response: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
thought: "everyone just saw me pick that wedgie and they are judging me." response: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

See?  It's super easy!  I do recomend not doing this at the grocery store, but the car is a great place.  The bus works too...people wouldn't even give you a second look on the bus.  So try it and enjoy the new freedom of having fun while pissing off the enemy.

storm vs. sanctuary

Sometimes I feel like I'm in a boat in the midst of a storm.  Everybody feels that way from time to time.  When things get too chaotic around me, too stressful, I tend to just sit back and not make a decision. 

But not making a decision is deciding to stay in the storm.

I am caught between storm and sanctuary.  I am on the waves, the wind pushing and pulling, the motion of the waters disorienting me.  In the distance I can see a santuary.  It's a small place, well lit, and bearing the storm without even noticing.  If I look hard enough, squint my eyes, I can see that it is occupied.  I can see Jesus inside. He is unfazed by the storm.  So even if I choose not to choose, I have chosen.  I will choose to remain in the storm.

So I weigh my options.  The sanctuary looks so warm, so safe, and I know others who have taken up permanent residence there.  I however, seem to have never really been there for long enough to fully understand what it means to live there permanently.

The storm is abrupt, unforgiving, and often makes me wonder if I am moving or standing still.  But I know this storm.  I know the chaos, I know how to survive it, adapt to it.  It is comfortable in all of it's awfulness.

This leaves me with the question: do I WANT to adapt anymore?  Do I really want to remain in the position to allow the storms, the changes outside of my control, to rock me and disrupt my journey?  Or do I want to just go to the unknown, the sanctuary, the place that is immovable.

I know He will wait for a long time.  I know He is patient.  I also know He wants me there, the invitation having been extended a long time ago.  No one can make the choice for me, or you, or anyone.  I suppose it's the choice that is the catalyst for other choices...Do I choose what I see or what I hope for?

We all end up in the same spot, stuck between storm and sanctuary.  I guess the point is I don't want to just survive anymore.  I want to flourish, and I want to do it with Him.

richard simmons

I'm watching my friend Sarah do a work out video right now.  I like to consider myself morally supporting her as she works out.  The work out instructor is some blond lady who makes every move seem super sexy.  I don't how she does it.

It makes me think of Richard Simmons.  I love him.  I could do his videos all day.  I don't know if it's the gay attitude, the awkward hair and clothes, or his general joyfulness.  All I know is, I want Richard Simmons to follow me around all day.  He could encourage me through everything.  I began to imagine what it would be like to have him as my little life coach.

"Ruthie, you can file those papers!  I believe in you!"
"Ruthie, it's time to get your awesome self out of bed and face another amazing day!  Come on!"
"Ruthie, I know you can parallel park this car without hitting the other ones.  I know you can do it this time!"

Just the thought of having Richard around all the time makes me smile.

The good news?  I got something better.  I have the Holy Spirit.  I'm not really sure what Holy Spirit looks like, whether it has the afro and wears spandex.  Who knows?  All I know is I have a choice every second of every day of which voice to listen to.  So I could either stalk Richard until he agrees to be my life coach, or I could just turn up the volume on the voice that not only encourages me, but always speaks the truth.  How cool is that?!

gardens

I had a dream last night that was really cool. 

I saw an old man on his knees in a garden.  He was hot and tired and kept pulling up weeds, getting more tired and aggravated with each one.  Then, another man walks up.  It was what I imagine Jesus to look like.  Jesus got down on His knees next to the old man.  He used His sleeve to wipe the old man's sweat from his brow and just said "I'll help."

The old man watched suspiciously as Jesus rolled up His sleeves and reached down and began pulling up the weeds.  The man finally said, apologetically, "I only have this one set of gloves..." holding up the gardening gloves he was wearing. 

Jesus never looked up from His task, but He smiled and said "Oh, I don't mind getting my hands dirty." Then He looked up at the old man, winked, and went back to work.

I woke up after this dream and it took me a while to go back to sleep.  I have never felt so full of love for Jesus before in my life.  Even now, as I write this, I am so happy with the love inside me that is turned towards Jesus.  How beautiful a man, how kind a savior, and how humble a king! 

It was a wonderful reminder that I am not alone in the weeding process of my life.  It feels like I am, but this dream reminded me that He loves each of us so completely, and His love is not a tidy love.  It is a love that gets it's hands dirty and loves us through the dirt.  Can it get any better than this?!

bending the spoon

This morning, during early (EARLY) morning prayer, I got a picture from God of the scene in The Matrix where the little boy bends the spoon.  He explains to Neo that you can't think about bending the spoon because that's impossible.  You have to realize the spoon isn't there and it is you that is bending.

I felt like it was an invitation from God to walk in His reality.  I see so many problems every day.  My own problems of fighting addictions, drama at work, financial stress, ect.  And then I drive to work, passing multiple homeless people with pain in their eyes.  Then I go to work and see the older generation, a wiser generation, suffering so many physical and mental ailments.  Then I have those amazing times of praying for people, but I also am then forced to see the pain and agony of the children of God abused in this world.

But, is the spoon really there?  I'm not saying that the problems of life aren't real, but perhaps that they are just more or less than I see.  If I choose God's reality, I see that I can bend anything.  He miraculously provides money and hours for me.  He gets me through every day without turning back the addictions that crave my attention.  God shows me how to love those that hurt me.  I am able to see the beauty of each of His children and how He loves them and feels their pain.

I must choose.  Really, we ALL must choose.  It's like The Matrix.  Neo had to choose which reality to commit to (the red pill or the blue pill).  So although it may feel more comfortable and sensible to only live by my physical sight, my spirit is crying out to enter into the unknown reality of Heaven that is all around me.

So, I think the invitation is extended to all of us....you have to make up your own mind.

give and take

I have heard the phrase "it is better to give than to recieve" my whole life. I never agreed.  Just a few weeks ago I was having sushi with a friend and telling him that I honestly beleived that money could buy me happiness.  Immediately after this conversation my hours at work went from full time to 11.  

However, I notice a change in me over the past week.  For over a week now I have had less than $10 in my bank account and I have felt more joy in that time period than I have for years.  I have learned a few principles over the past few weeks.

First, the more you give away, the more God gives back.  Bill Johnson says that when you give to those in need, you are lending money to God and His interest rates are incredible.  I have seen this first hand.  The more I give, the more joy I have and the more God gives back to me.  It's a scary thing to try, but if you are in need I challenge you to find a need around you and meet it.

Second, contentment is not based on material things.  Due to a lot of bad choices in my past I ended up homeless for a period of time.  One night a friend of mine from the street came into a little bit of money and we bought a loaf of bread, a half-gallon of milk, and half a watermelon.  This is the meal that I remember being the most fulfilling and delicious meal of my life.  A goal I have set in my life is to be content in all situations.  I find contentment to be a choice, a perspective.  So every day, as I brew my coffee instead of buying my over-priced latte, I choose contentment.

Third, God can be trusted.  As I listen to His voice and follow Him, I find that I am on a trip full of glory and joy.  God is good.  That will never change.

Fried Chicken and a Latte??

So, I was thinking about blogs today.  I read Derek Gillette's blog faithfully and always learn something from it.  So I was thinking, "maybe I should start my own blog".  Then I thought, "wait, what makes ME so important that people would want to hear my jumbled thoughts?!"  So I prayed about it and decided that I might have something to contribute to the world after all.

The name may seem a bit strange.  I will explain.  Other than my parents, the most important people in the world to me are my church family.  I went through a period last summer where I was really doubting the legitimacy of their love and the authenticity of who they were.  That was until the day of the fried chicken and latte.   I had hurt my back while working for a coffee shop and couldn't really leave my house much.  One day my pastor and his wife (Benji and Abbi) came to visit me.  They brought me some fried chicken and a vanilla latte.  I thought that if someone knows me well enough to bring such random and heart-warming presents, I may as well love them back.  That same day they prayed for me and my back was completely healed. 

My first thought to share was while I was praying this morning at work.  Jesus began to talk to me about coffee cups.  My boss got me this cool coffee cup that has my name on it and my strengths listed.  But it's the shape of the cup that I like.  It has a spiffy handle and the lid offers spill-free drinking for me.  I began to think of the years of coffee cups I have experienced.  I have dealt with:
-The "dribble no matter how hard you try not to" cup
-The "always burn myself somehow" cup
-The "this cup is so big my coffee is cold before I finish" cup
-The "leaking cup that always leaves a ring on the table" cup

All of these cups have annoyed me greatly.  I love my coffee, although my dad tells me to stop drinking it.  But without the right container, the coffee is far less enjoyable.  I feel like this has been my history with Jesus.  I always was trying to be a different container for his presence.  I saw what other people were doing and tried so hard to be like them.  All this left me was a leaky, sticky, dribbling container that never felt good enough.  But lately, God has been showing me who I really am.  He showed me a picture this morning of who I am in terms of His coffee cup.

I saw a picture of Jesus sitting in a big comfy chair sipping from the perfect cup, his scarred hands wrapped around it's wonderful shape.  He told me that I am the perfect container for His presence. Even though I may not be like anyone else, I am perfect in my ability to contain and share His presence with those who are thirsty around me for more of Him.  It may sound silly, but it means the world to me.  Now if only the rest of my life could become spill-proof.