gardens

I had a dream last night that was really cool. 

I saw an old man on his knees in a garden.  He was hot and tired and kept pulling up weeds, getting more tired and aggravated with each one.  Then, another man walks up.  It was what I imagine Jesus to look like.  Jesus got down on His knees next to the old man.  He used His sleeve to wipe the old man's sweat from his brow and just said "I'll help."

The old man watched suspiciously as Jesus rolled up His sleeves and reached down and began pulling up the weeds.  The man finally said, apologetically, "I only have this one set of gloves..." holding up the gardening gloves he was wearing. 

Jesus never looked up from His task, but He smiled and said "Oh, I don't mind getting my hands dirty." Then He looked up at the old man, winked, and went back to work.

I woke up after this dream and it took me a while to go back to sleep.  I have never felt so full of love for Jesus before in my life.  Even now, as I write this, I am so happy with the love inside me that is turned towards Jesus.  How beautiful a man, how kind a savior, and how humble a king! 

It was a wonderful reminder that I am not alone in the weeding process of my life.  It feels like I am, but this dream reminded me that He loves each of us so completely, and His love is not a tidy love.  It is a love that gets it's hands dirty and loves us through the dirt.  Can it get any better than this?!

bending the spoon

This morning, during early (EARLY) morning prayer, I got a picture from God of the scene in The Matrix where the little boy bends the spoon.  He explains to Neo that you can't think about bending the spoon because that's impossible.  You have to realize the spoon isn't there and it is you that is bending.

I felt like it was an invitation from God to walk in His reality.  I see so many problems every day.  My own problems of fighting addictions, drama at work, financial stress, ect.  And then I drive to work, passing multiple homeless people with pain in their eyes.  Then I go to work and see the older generation, a wiser generation, suffering so many physical and mental ailments.  Then I have those amazing times of praying for people, but I also am then forced to see the pain and agony of the children of God abused in this world.

But, is the spoon really there?  I'm not saying that the problems of life aren't real, but perhaps that they are just more or less than I see.  If I choose God's reality, I see that I can bend anything.  He miraculously provides money and hours for me.  He gets me through every day without turning back the addictions that crave my attention.  God shows me how to love those that hurt me.  I am able to see the beauty of each of His children and how He loves them and feels their pain.

I must choose.  Really, we ALL must choose.  It's like The Matrix.  Neo had to choose which reality to commit to (the red pill or the blue pill).  So although it may feel more comfortable and sensible to only live by my physical sight, my spirit is crying out to enter into the unknown reality of Heaven that is all around me.

So, I think the invitation is extended to all of us....you have to make up your own mind.

give and take

I have heard the phrase "it is better to give than to recieve" my whole life. I never agreed.  Just a few weeks ago I was having sushi with a friend and telling him that I honestly beleived that money could buy me happiness.  Immediately after this conversation my hours at work went from full time to 11.  

However, I notice a change in me over the past week.  For over a week now I have had less than $10 in my bank account and I have felt more joy in that time period than I have for years.  I have learned a few principles over the past few weeks.

First, the more you give away, the more God gives back.  Bill Johnson says that when you give to those in need, you are lending money to God and His interest rates are incredible.  I have seen this first hand.  The more I give, the more joy I have and the more God gives back to me.  It's a scary thing to try, but if you are in need I challenge you to find a need around you and meet it.

Second, contentment is not based on material things.  Due to a lot of bad choices in my past I ended up homeless for a period of time.  One night a friend of mine from the street came into a little bit of money and we bought a loaf of bread, a half-gallon of milk, and half a watermelon.  This is the meal that I remember being the most fulfilling and delicious meal of my life.  A goal I have set in my life is to be content in all situations.  I find contentment to be a choice, a perspective.  So every day, as I brew my coffee instead of buying my over-priced latte, I choose contentment.

Third, God can be trusted.  As I listen to His voice and follow Him, I find that I am on a trip full of glory and joy.  God is good.  That will never change.

Fried Chicken and a Latte??

So, I was thinking about blogs today.  I read Derek Gillette's blog faithfully and always learn something from it.  So I was thinking, "maybe I should start my own blog".  Then I thought, "wait, what makes ME so important that people would want to hear my jumbled thoughts?!"  So I prayed about it and decided that I might have something to contribute to the world after all.

The name may seem a bit strange.  I will explain.  Other than my parents, the most important people in the world to me are my church family.  I went through a period last summer where I was really doubting the legitimacy of their love and the authenticity of who they were.  That was until the day of the fried chicken and latte.   I had hurt my back while working for a coffee shop and couldn't really leave my house much.  One day my pastor and his wife (Benji and Abbi) came to visit me.  They brought me some fried chicken and a vanilla latte.  I thought that if someone knows me well enough to bring such random and heart-warming presents, I may as well love them back.  That same day they prayed for me and my back was completely healed. 

My first thought to share was while I was praying this morning at work.  Jesus began to talk to me about coffee cups.  My boss got me this cool coffee cup that has my name on it and my strengths listed.  But it's the shape of the cup that I like.  It has a spiffy handle and the lid offers spill-free drinking for me.  I began to think of the years of coffee cups I have experienced.  I have dealt with:
-The "dribble no matter how hard you try not to" cup
-The "always burn myself somehow" cup
-The "this cup is so big my coffee is cold before I finish" cup
-The "leaking cup that always leaves a ring on the table" cup

All of these cups have annoyed me greatly.  I love my coffee, although my dad tells me to stop drinking it.  But without the right container, the coffee is far less enjoyable.  I feel like this has been my history with Jesus.  I always was trying to be a different container for his presence.  I saw what other people were doing and tried so hard to be like them.  All this left me was a leaky, sticky, dribbling container that never felt good enough.  But lately, God has been showing me who I really am.  He showed me a picture this morning of who I am in terms of His coffee cup.

I saw a picture of Jesus sitting in a big comfy chair sipping from the perfect cup, his scarred hands wrapped around it's wonderful shape.  He told me that I am the perfect container for His presence. Even though I may not be like anyone else, I am perfect in my ability to contain and share His presence with those who are thirsty around me for more of Him.  It may sound silly, but it means the world to me.  Now if only the rest of my life could become spill-proof.