storm vs. sanctuary

Sometimes I feel like I'm in a boat in the midst of a storm.  Everybody feels that way from time to time.  When things get too chaotic around me, too stressful, I tend to just sit back and not make a decision. 

But not making a decision is deciding to stay in the storm.

I am caught between storm and sanctuary.  I am on the waves, the wind pushing and pulling, the motion of the waters disorienting me.  In the distance I can see a santuary.  It's a small place, well lit, and bearing the storm without even noticing.  If I look hard enough, squint my eyes, I can see that it is occupied.  I can see Jesus inside. He is unfazed by the storm.  So even if I choose not to choose, I have chosen.  I will choose to remain in the storm.

So I weigh my options.  The sanctuary looks so warm, so safe, and I know others who have taken up permanent residence there.  I however, seem to have never really been there for long enough to fully understand what it means to live there permanently.

The storm is abrupt, unforgiving, and often makes me wonder if I am moving or standing still.  But I know this storm.  I know the chaos, I know how to survive it, adapt to it.  It is comfortable in all of it's awfulness.

This leaves me with the question: do I WANT to adapt anymore?  Do I really want to remain in the position to allow the storms, the changes outside of my control, to rock me and disrupt my journey?  Or do I want to just go to the unknown, the sanctuary, the place that is immovable.

I know He will wait for a long time.  I know He is patient.  I also know He wants me there, the invitation having been extended a long time ago.  No one can make the choice for me, or you, or anyone.  I suppose it's the choice that is the catalyst for other choices...Do I choose what I see or what I hope for?

We all end up in the same spot, stuck between storm and sanctuary.  I guess the point is I don't want to just survive anymore.  I want to flourish, and I want to do it with Him.